Miscarriage story.

In January 2008, Kyle and I decided that we were ready to expand our family.  It was not until August of 2008 that we got a BFP (big fat positive on a pregnancy test).  Now I know that there are plenty of people that it takes a lot longer than 8 months to get that BFP.  I truely beloeve that when you are ready to be a mom that even waitng a month for a BFP can be ahrd.  We were so excited that our family was growing.  We shared our good news with family and a few close friends.

At 13wks we shared our news with the world, two days later I started bleeding. I knew that it was over at that moment, but I had my husband take me to the ER, just in case.  Even though I felt it in my gut, I hoped and prayed that I was wrong.  I wasn't.  I was devasted. 

The whole experience at the hospital that we went was terrible.  They had me drink a ton of water and only after i had finished would they call the ultasound tech to come in.  I had to pee so bad that I was in pain.  And the tech took like 45 minutes to get there.  They when she finally got there she refused to let my husband come back with me.  I was so scared and I just wanted him close.  And she was so rude and cruel about it.  Luckily my doctor was much more compasiate about the whole thing. 

People who never experience a lost like this don't know what to say, they try but some how it just falls short.  I didn't want to hear that I could have more children, I had lost a child.  A child I never got to hold or kiss or even meet.  But my child had a place in my heart from the moment I knew they existed.  After the inital saddness I felt number for awhile.  It was very hard to be around friends especially since several were pregnact at the time.  I was happy for them but angry and sad for myself. 

One day I came across a pregnancy book in my basement and it broke the damn I had built to hold back my feeling and I through it clear across the room and yelled and cried for awhile.  Things got better after that.  I had alot of issues bleeding for several months afterward and so we could not start trying again until February.  We were lucky and the first month of trying again we got a BFP.  And in December of 2009 I delivered our daugther, Riley.

Long absence

So I realized that I have not posted for more then a week.  Life has been a bit crazy recently.  My sister-in-law is getting married in 2 weeks and I have been doing wedding stuff.  Look for a new post here shortly.

Curious people

At first glance you may not realize that Riley is different.  Though when you take a second look, you would notice her trach, us suctioning her, or us giving her milk through her g-tube.  People's reaction to her some times drives me nuts.  I would rather have someone come up and ask what we are doing or whatever other question is on their mind about her then stare from across the room.  I am happy to educate someone about her or her condition, but don't stare. 

Parents are the funniest though.  kids are always so curious, so you will hear the child ash a question in a normal voice and the parent whispering an answer back.  I have no problem talking to people I don't know, I take after my dad, so I always tell the parent that is tis ok and habe them come over.  The normal question is "What is that?" while pointing at her trach.  I calmly explain that is how she breathsand the child responses with "oh, ok" and that is the end of it

It is natural to be curious about something that you have never seen before.  I would think that most parents of a special child would rather have you ask you question instead of staring at them.  That being said don't ask "What's wrong with her/him?"  There is nothing wrong with my child she just has some special needs, but I love her jsut the same as you love your "normal" child.

Springtime

We had such a nice weekend here, then this mornign I have to wear my winter cost.  I am so tired of cold weather.. COme on spring and short sleeves.

Weight Loss plan update

So I started some new things on Monday and thought I would do a quick update about how it is going.  Out of the 5 days since I put my new plan into effect I have walked on three of them, I have only done extra exercising with my daugther on 2.  I have cut back a bit on my snacking, but my sweet tooth is proving to my downfall.  I have also increased my water intake but not completely to where I want it.  So if I was grading myself I would give myself a C+. I am not giving up yet though.

Medical Terms

So I use alot of medical terms in my posts, so i am going to put a list on the side bar with the most used ones and a quick overview of each.  If anyone eatns more information about a specific one loet me know and I will do a post about it.

Hearing aids

On 2/7 Riley went for a MRI for a few reasons (1) her hydrocephalus, (2) the fact that she has a shunt, (3) to have a good look at the structures of her brain, and (4) to have a baseline if she has any issues down the line to compare too.  Since she was sedated for the procedure they did an auditory brainstem response test (ABR).  Which is a hearing test were they attach electrodes to her head and record the brain activity when different sounds are played.  We had this one done as oppose to a normal hearing test because we had tried one of those several months back but she was too young and did not understand that things made noise so she failed it.

The results we got back from the ABR were that she had moderate hearing loss.  She is hearing at a 50-60 decibels range.  To put that in perspective 20 decibels is a whisper, 120 decibels is a jet engine, normal speech is at 50 decibels. 

Since Ri is hearing just at speech level we decided to get her hearing aids.  So you may ask if she is hearing speech why get hearing aids.  For a couple of reasons: (1) if you ever get sick or get an ear infections you can loss 20 decibels in hearing so then she would not hear speech, (2) hearing aids will amplify what she is hearing and make it easier for her to understand speech, and (3) she will already have a speech delay due to her Tetrasomy 18p (T18p) so we thought that we would not put any more barriers in front of her. 

So yesterday I took her to get fitted for her behind-the-ear hearing aids (BTE).  I am amazed at how small they were and how light weight they are.  The audiologist took molds of the inside of Ri's ears and they will custom make the part that goes in her ear.  We go back in 3 weeks to pick them up and learn how to use and take care of them.  When we get them I will put up a picture of them.