Miscarriage story.

In January 2008, Kyle and I decided that we were ready to expand our family.  It was not until August of 2008 that we got a BFP (big fat positive on a pregnancy test).  Now I know that there are plenty of people that it takes a lot longer than 8 months to get that BFP.  I truely beloeve that when you are ready to be a mom that even waitng a month for a BFP can be ahrd.  We were so excited that our family was growing.  We shared our good news with family and a few close friends.

At 13wks we shared our news with the world, two days later I started bleeding. I knew that it was over at that moment, but I had my husband take me to the ER, just in case.  Even though I felt it in my gut, I hoped and prayed that I was wrong.  I wasn't.  I was devasted. 

The whole experience at the hospital that we went was terrible.  They had me drink a ton of water and only after i had finished would they call the ultasound tech to come in.  I had to pee so bad that I was in pain.  And the tech took like 45 minutes to get there.  They when she finally got there she refused to let my husband come back with me.  I was so scared and I just wanted him close.  And she was so rude and cruel about it.  Luckily my doctor was much more compasiate about the whole thing. 

People who never experience a lost like this don't know what to say, they try but some how it just falls short.  I didn't want to hear that I could have more children, I had lost a child.  A child I never got to hold or kiss or even meet.  But my child had a place in my heart from the moment I knew they existed.  After the inital saddness I felt number for awhile.  It was very hard to be around friends especially since several were pregnact at the time.  I was happy for them but angry and sad for myself. 

One day I came across a pregnancy book in my basement and it broke the damn I had built to hold back my feeling and I through it clear across the room and yelled and cried for awhile.  Things got better after that.  I had alot of issues bleeding for several months afterward and so we could not start trying again until February.  We were lucky and the first month of trying again we got a BFP.  And in December of 2009 I delivered our daugther, Riley.